Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
