Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I want to fling myself into the sun
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize
