Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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