he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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