he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
