I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
