Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
PS: I just woke up from my shower
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Randomize
