Kiss
Puke
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
