He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Randomize
