I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
