he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
there was a trapeze. enough said
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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