mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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