I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
