Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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