All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
