His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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