Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Randomize
