just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
