So is it bad that I'm using this 21 year old for his hot bod and utter naivety?
No its what 21 year olds are made for
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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