Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Randomize
