Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
