There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Randomize
