omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
