The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
