your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize