Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Randomize
