drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Randomize
