He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Randomize
