3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
