we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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