She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
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