To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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