I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Idk if I want to put a bra on
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