Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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