bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Randomize
