my mouth tastes like poor choices
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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