My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
