just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
