I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Randomize
