someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
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