tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize