The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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