Ambien. No doubt about it.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
