Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
