Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
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