How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize