haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
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