Your face is a jimmy john
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
