We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
