At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
It's official drugs can't kill me
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
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