after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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