garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
PANTIES FOUND
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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