dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
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