This phone does not accept mass texts. Try again.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
