Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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