Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
