i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
