the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
