if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
