she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
