i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
