Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
