If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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