I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
