I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
