I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Randomize
