We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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